Poop Scoop
Season 2, Episode 9
Poop Coop
Air date August 8, 2006
Written by Tom Sheppard
Episode guide
Nice Mustache
Leaf of Absence
Poop Scoop is the ninth episode of season two.


Adam joins the school newspaper club.




Major RolesEdit

Minor RolesEdit


[Adam and the pack word hard and race against the clock to print the school's daily newspapers on time]
Jake: Alright people, look alive! We've got hot papers off the presses here!
[Jake takes the newspapers into the bathroom and poops]
Jake: [relaxed] Ahhhhh ...
Adam: Jake!. We don't have time for a bathroom break. Our readers are waiting.
[The others look at him in puzzlement]
Slips: Readers?
Lupe: What are you talkin' 'bout, fool?
Windsor: It's common knowledge that nobody actually reads the school paper, Adam.
Adam: What? Then why do we print so many copies every week?
Windsor: Newspapers are the least expensive way of cleaning up after our ... various messes.
[Jake flushes the toilet and exits the bathroom]

Adam: I'll bet we could get advertising revenue up if we ... oh, I don't know ... wrote some news articles or something?
Jake: Why would we go that? We get all the news we need from the magic box.
[Jake turns on the TV and everyone becomes hypnotized by it]
Group: Magic box.

[Adam reads a blind item about an anonymous student having a crush on an anonymous teacher]
Adam: Love in the lunchroom? What human student at Charles Darwin Middle School is sweet on a certain, comely, elephant-like lunch lady? We'll never tell, but according to his best friend, Jacob P. Spidermonkey, this human student is smitten.
Jake: You were right, Adam. People are interested in hard hitting news.
Adam: Jake! "Human student"? "Elephant-like lunch lady"? You're clearly saying that I have a crush on Mrs. Tusk!
[Jake takes out a pen and paper and starts writing]
Jake: No I'm not, but you just did. And I quote "Something, something, something, blah, blah, blah, and then, oh yeah, I have a crush on Mrs. Tusk!"

Adam: Mr. Mandrill, you gotta put a stop to this. Everyone thinks I have a crush on Mrs. Tusk.
Mr. Mandrill: What? This blind item's about you?

Ingrid: Earth Signs: This is your lucky month. Mercury is in retrograde, which according to the stars, means a certain human student at Charles Darwin Middle School must have a crush on you.

Jake: Hey, Adam, is "engaged" spelled with one "g" or four?

Adam: Jake! You gotta stop making up stories about me!
Jake: [shocked] You mean this blind item's about you?

Jake: Context is relative in journalism, Adam. Everyone knows that.
Adam: What's that supposed to mean?
Jake: I don't know, but it sounded pretty smart though, huh?

Ingrid: It's one thing to make up stuff that isn't true, Adam.
Lupe: Si, but it's wrong when you make up stuff that turns out to really be true.


  • It's learned that the pack participates in a school newspaper printing club every week.
  • It's also learned that the school has a locally televised news channel, called the CDMS News, run by Henry Armadillo.
  • It's revealed that Jake's full name is "Jacob P. Spidermonkey".
  • We learn that Jake Spidermonkey has buttcheek implants.
  • Mr. Mandrill quoted "Principal Pixiefrog's whole identity is wrapped up in lawsuit avoidance. It's his raison d'etre." "Raison d'etre" is French for "reason for being".
  • Mrs. Tusk was apparently interested in Adam's crush on her, despite claiming to be married in "Two Tons of Fun" and being disgusted by Mr. Hornbill's crush on her.