|Season 2, Episode 9|
|Air date||August 8, 2006|
|Written by||Tom Sheppard|
Leaf of Absence
Adam joins the school newspaper club.
- Adam Lyon
- Jake Spidermonkey
- Slips Python
- Windsor Gorilla
- Lupe Toucan
- Ingrid Giraffe
- Mr. Mandrill
- Henry Armadillo
- Mrs. Tusk
- Coach Gills
- Mrs. Warthog
- Principal Pixiefrog
- Nurse Gazelle (Cameo)
- Miss Chameleon (Cameo)
- Miss Loon (Cameo)
- [Adam and the pack word hard and race against the clock to print the school's daily newspapers on time]
- Jake: Alright people, look alive! We've got hot papers off the presses here!
- [Jake takes the newspapers into the bathroom and poops]
- Jake: [relaxed] Ahhhhh ...
- Adam: Jake!. We don't have time for a bathroom break. Our readers are waiting.
- [The others look at him in puzzlement]
- Slips: Readers?
- Lupe: What are you talkin' 'bout, fool?
- Windsor: It's common knowledge that nobody actually reads the school paper, Adam.
- Adam: What? Then why do we print so many copies every week?
- Windsor: Newspapers are the least expensive way of cleaning up after our ... various messes.
- [Jake flushes the toilet and exits the bathroom]
- Adam: I'll bet we could get advertising revenue up if we ... oh, I don't know ... wrote some news articles or something?
- Jake: Why would we go that? We get all the news we need from the magic box.
- [Jake turns on the TV and everyone becomes hypnotized by it]
- Group: Magic box.
- [Adam reads a blind item about an anonymous student having a crush on an anonymous teacher]
- Adam: Love in the lunchroom? What human student at Charles Darwin Middle School is sweet on a certain, comely, elephant-like lunch lady? We'll never tell, but according to his best friend, Jacob P. Spidermonkey, this human student is smitten.
- Jake: You were right, Adam. People are interested in hard hitting news.
- Adam: Jake! "Human student"? "Elephant-like lunch lady"? You're clearly saying that I have a crush on Mrs. Tusk!
- [Jake takes out a pen and paper and starts writing]
- Jake: No I'm not, but you just did. And I quote "Something, something, something, blah, blah, blah, and then, oh yeah, I have a crush on Mrs. Tusk!"
- Adam: Mr. Mandrill, you gotta put a stop to this. Everyone thinks I have a crush on Mrs. Tusk.
- Mr. Mandrill: What? This blind item's about you?
- Ingrid: Earth Signs: This is your lucky month. Mercury is in retrograde, which according to the stars, means a certain human student at Charles Darwin Middle School must have a crush on you.
- Jake: Hey, Adam, is "engaged" spelled with one "g" or four?
- Adam: Jake! You gotta stop making up stories about me!
- Jake: [shocked] You mean this blind item's about you?
- Jake: Context is relative in journalism, Adam. Everyone knows that.
- Adam: What's that supposed to mean?
- Jake: I don't know, but it sounded pretty smart though, huh?
- Ingrid: It's one thing to make up stuff that isn't true, Adam.
- Lupe: Si, but it's wrong when you make up stuff that turns out to really be true.
- It's learned that the pack participates in a school newspaper printing club every week.
- It's also learned that the school has a locally televised news channel, called the CDMS News, run by Henry Armadillo.
- It's revealed that Jake's full name is "Jacob P. Spidermonkey".
- We learn that Jake Spidermonkey has buttcheek implants.
- Mr. Mandrill quoted "Principal Pixiefrog's whole identity is wrapped up in lawsuit avoidance. It's his raison d'etre." "Raison d'etre" is French for "reason for being".
- Mrs. Tusk was apparently interested in Adam's crush on her, despite claiming to be married in "Two Tons of Fun" and being disgusted by Mr. Hornbill's crush on her.