|Lyon of Scrimmage|
|Season 1, Episode 3|
Bad News Bear
Adam joins the football team, but gets the unfulfilling role of water boy.
We first see Jake swinging on a vine and crashes into the lockers. He asks, "Who is your monkey, Adam!" Adam replies in a monotonous voice, "You're my monkey." Jake asks him to do it again and does it the same way. Finally a third time, Adam does it with more excitement and then someone throws a banana at Adam. Adam tries to throw it back at the person who threw it, but it doesn't go far. Jake eats the banana. Suddenly, Principal Pixiefrog tells about Charles Darwin's football team, the Mad Cows take on the Chester Arthur Middle School Semi-Pro team to the whole school. After that, Jake persuades Adam to join the football team. He tries to, but ends up as the water boy. While on the football field, Jake commands Adam to bring him some water and Adam tells Jake that he did become the water boy. Coach Gills blows a whistle and encourages the players to win the game. Adam asks about why the football team has a crummy record. When Coach Gills was just about to explain why, Jake throws a football at Coach Gills and she falls out of her bowl. She says that the quarterback (Jake) is a "dimwit." Jake comes over and picks her up. Adam reads the plays. He thinks they are not hard to remember and says one of the plays. Coach Gills declares Adam the quarterback after listening to that, but he's not good at throwing a ball. An elephant sucks Coach Gills up through its trunk. Adam picks up one of footballs from the pile and throws it, but he is still not good at it. Jake shows Adam how to throw a football, by throwing it so far away, it breaks a window of a man's house. The man exclaims that those footballs are his as more windows keep breaking. Soon the whole house falls apart. Adam quickly pushes Jake and tells him that practice is over. Adam and Jake come walking by and Adam notices a banner that Ingrid and Lupe made. He reads it and tells them that they spelled victory wrong. Adam moves on and notices lots of signs that are cheering for him.
It is now the opening game of the football season. There, Adam and Jake notice how large the opposing players are. Adam calls out the plays to the team and the football is passed on to him. Jake, in Adam's mind, reminds him the things they did at football practice. He starts doing what Jake did earlier. Coach Gills asks what Adam is doing. He throws the football and it still doesn't go far. Then, the players from the Semi-Pro team jump on him and the football goes to them. A player makes a touchdown and gets a squirrel off of his leg. The Semi-Pros are winning by seven points. Adam throws the football again. It doesn't go too far and the Semi-Pros run all over him. He does it again and a Semi-Pros player snatches it away from him. Another Semi-Pros player gets the ball and dribbles Adam like a basketball. They make another touchdown. It is now the end of the first half of the game and the Semi-Pros are winning by twenty-six points. Coach Gills screams while Jake cheers. She reminds him that the Mad Cows are losing with zero points.
In the boy's locker room, Coach Gills asks everyone why Adam got to be the quarterback? Jake answers, "Your precious water boys." Coach Gills knows that Adam has the brains and Jake has the arm, but she wants them to figure out how they can make them work together. It is now the second half of the game and Adam walks by....with Jake in his uniform. Adam calls out the plays to the players and they pass the football to Adam. Now the Semi-Pros are coming after them. They take turns screaming and Jake takes Adam out of his uniform. He pulls him back into his uniform, jumps on the Semi-Pros and throws the football to a kangaroo. The kangaroo makes a touchdown and the Mad Cows now have seven points. Adam throws the football again and an anteater gets the football with its tongue. It makes a touchdown also. Adam throws the football to a porcupine and the football pops. He runs and crashes into a pole. The Semi-Pros try to jump on Adam, but they missed. Adam throws the football to a gorilla and it makes a touchdown. Now the Mad Cows have twenty-one points while the Semi-Pros have twenty-six points. They are almost winning the game, but Jake sprained his arm. Coach Gills panics and now Adam has to win the game himself, but the problem is that there's only one play left and Adam is bad at throwing footballs. The Mad Cows can lose the game. Jake picks up his sprained arm and says, "Armadillio!" Adam suddenly comes up with an idea. He goes over and picks up Henry. Adam explains the "Super Secret Desperation Plan" to the players. Henry is thrown over to Adam and a Semi-Pros players grabs him, thinking that he is the football. He attempts to make a touchdown with him only to reveal that he is not a football. Adam had the football in his helmet and places it onto the field making a touchdown. The Mad Cows win by one point and the students start to cheer. Coach Gills faints and Assistant Coach Ferret comes over and sends an electric shock to her. Principal Pixiefrog is stuck on a window and he falls into the man that was going to keep the footballs that Jake threw. Jake comes over and asks Adam, "Who's your monkey?" Adam replies, "You're my monkey!" and scratch themselves and someone throws a banana at Adam. He eats it which ends this episode.
- Adam: Hey, Coach Gills. The team looks great. Why do they have such a crummy record?
- (Jake is seen, playing quarterback)
- Jake: Ready, 32, 46, pi! Hut, hut, hike!
- (The animals aimlessly run around like mad)
- (Jake goes mad too and chucks the football of the field)
- Coach Gills: Why do we have such a crummy record, Lyon?
- (Coach Gills gets hit by the football, knocking her out of her bowl)
- Coach Gills: (flopping around on the floor) Because our quarterback is a dimwit! (Horace rushes to get her back in her fishbowl) He's got a great arm, but he just can't remember the blasted plays!
- Adam: (to Coach Gills) Excuse me maam, but these plays aren't so hard to remember. (closes the play book) Rollout Option Pass, the offensive line blocks down to prevent a defender from following the pulling guard and the tight end double teams the OT's man. If the defender changes the cover to block, the Quarterback runs behind his two blockers, sending the play into second option.
- Coach Gills: (enlightened) Lyon, I don't know what you just said, but your sure sounded like you knew what you were talking about. You're our new quarterback!
- (Jake throws a football, which crashes through the window of a glass building. A guy sticks his head out the broken hole.)
- Guy: HEY, YOU KIDS! THAT BALL IS MINE NOW!
- (Another ball is thrown through the window next to him)
- Guy: SO IS THAT ONE!
- (Another ball comes in)
- Guy: THANKS! NOW I CAN OPEN A BALL SHOP!
- Lupe: I can not believe our school is finally going to win a game and all thanks to our own little humansapien, Adam.
- Ingrid: (Ingrid spots Adam and Jake coming down the hallway) Oh..here he comes Lupe.
- (Adam reads Ingrid and Lupe's poster)
- Adam: Go, Adam, Go. Lead animals to viktry? You spelled "victory" wrong.
- Lupe: Aw..Ingrid, I told you there were two "E"s.
- (Adam heads down to the cafeteria)
- Ingrid: Oh..it's the thought that counts.
- (As Adam opens the doorway, the whole school cafeteria is filled with posters and banners everywhere)
- Coach Gills: Alright, you Mad Cows. Go out there and win one for the guppy.
- Coach Gills: Maybe it's not too late to become a scuba instructor.
- Pixiefrog: At the end of the first half, it's Semi-Pros twenty six, the Mad Cows, a big fat zero.
- Coach Gills: WHAAAAAA!
- Jake: Oh, yeah! Woo! Woo! Woo!
- Coach Gills: We're at the zero, Spidermonkey!
- Jake: Hey, zero's better than nothing.
- Coach Gills: I don't get it. Lyon, you've got the brain, and Spidermonkey, you've got the arm. Can't you figure out how to make them work together?
- Jake: Yeah, but that would require major surgery.
- Adam: Hmm.., or something like it.
- (The Mad Cows football team heads out to the field for the second game)
- Pixiefrog: Welcome back to the second half of the game folks and..(surprised to see Adam hiding Jake in his uniform) what's this? The Mad Cows have a new quarterback! Let's hope he's better than the last one.
- (Jake pops out behind Adam within his uniform)
- Jake: Hey Adam, you should get this mole removed.
- (An actual animal mole pops out of Adam's uniform out of nowhere)
- Adam: Ok guys. We've gotta start scoring, and we've gotta start scoring now. We can beat these guys if we work together. (Jake fooled Adam's lips around) So, let's get out there, and make our school proud! Here we go, blue left...(Jake took his fingers out of Adam's mouth) sprint right on two. Break!
- Adam: Fat one, twenty-two, twenty-eight! hut, hut! HIKE!
- (Semi-Pros football team charges at Adam)
- Adam: AAAAAAHHHHH!! (duck his head down and Jake popped his head up)
- Jake: AAAAAAHHHHH!! (duck his head down and Jake popped naked Adam up with the football)
- Adam: AAAAAAHHHHH!! Jake, pull me back in!
- Pixiefrog: The Mad Cows are just one touchdown away from their first game in Charles Darwin Middle School's History!
- (Jake's arm has been sprained after four or more throws in a row)
- Jake: Uh oh Adam. I think that last pass, was my last pass.
- Coach Gills: Time out! What's all the hub-ub fellas?
- Adam: Uh..Jake sprained his arm in the last play coach. (Jake gets off of Adam's uniform and recoiled his sprained arm) He can't throw anymore.
- Coach Gills: Great. Now what'll we do?
- Jake: Lose. Uh..I mean, Adam will have to win the game himself.
- Adam: What? (turns to Jake in query) Have you sprained your brain too?
- Henry: Who? Me?
- Adam: Come on, Henry.
- Henry: But, but, but, I...(Adam and Henry zipped out of the bench)
- Adam: Ok team, it's time for our "Super Secret Desperation Play". (Inaudible whispers to teammates that they'll use Henry as a football decoy to distract opponents) Break!
- First mention of Adam's former human school, Chester Arthur Middle School.
- Charles Darwin's football team is called "The Mad Cows" and Chester Arthur's team is the Semi-Pros.
- Humans are described as the most unathletic species in the animal kingdom.
- Lupe refers to Adam as a "Humansapien", combining the two terms for person, "Human" and "Homosapien" together.
- It's revealed that Ingrid and Lupe are not too good at spelling, with Ingrid, spelling "Victory" as "Viktry", and Lupe assuming it should be spelt "Viktree".
- First appearance of Henry Armadilo.
- Coach Gills' back-up-dream-job is to be a scuba instructor.
- When Jake stuck his fingers in Adam's mouth, during their team's second huddle, what he was saying was hardly audible, but it can be translated to "So, let's get out there, and make our school proud! Here we go, blue left ..." After that, Jake took his fingers out of Adam's mouth.
- Adam is seen in his underwear, when Jake lifts him out of his uniform.
- Coach Gills goes temorarily deceased, when passing out from the shock of her team winning. After being legally dead for a few seconds, Horace revived her with the help of two electric eels.
- Billboard Gag: "Parrot Teacher Conference Today", a reference to the term of "Parent Teacher Conference".
- There is only one female member of the football team, Nika Kangaroo. Similarly, in "Cheer Pressure", it was revealed that due to an equal rights movement, there must be at least one male member of the cheerleading team. This may have been part of the same movement.
- CDMS has won absolutely no trophies in the past, since they've never won any contests. However, in "Animal Testing", Mr. Blowhole said that the school would certainly with their interschool spelling bee "once again", implying they have won at least one spelling bee.
- When explaining the team's failure after the first half of the game, Coach Gills was in the boy's locker room, despite being female. She had no problem with it in this episode, but in "Docu-Trauma", she refused to go in there, on account of her gender.
- This is the first time in CDMS history, that their football team had ever won a game. Their second happens in "Where in the World Are Adam's Parents?".
- Adam reminds Principal Pixiefrog in "Flesh Fur Fantasy" that he's the football team's quarterback.
- The title of this episode is a pun on the nickname given to the Michigan football team, "The Lions of Scrimmage", more formally known as "The Detroit Lions".